36 Year Poz Anniversary

Submitted on Apr 18, 2024 by MariaHIVMejia

A Girl Like Me blogger and global ambassador, Maria Mejia.

I feel truly blessed to have made it this far. The start of this year was a very hard year. I lost some friends that I hope to see in the light when my mission is complete, but I am here to continue to show those by example that you can live a long life with this human condition.

I remember in 1991, April 18 to be exact, when they told me that I had AIDS, which I always have said that the doctor was very ignorant, not only in the way he disclosed my status to me (I just turned eighteen one week before on April 11), but as we all know, back then the maximum you would live was ten years, so I had a diary and every year that was an extremely stressful time, especially when my birthday was approaching.

Twenty-eight passed, thirty-eight passed, and I for sure, and for those that know me, knew that it would not be possible for me to make it to 50. I truly believed in my heart that I would die at the age of 50. I just turned 51 on April 11, and I'm still here, with all the ups and downs, but fighting like the warrior that I am. I just had gallbladder surgery where I went septic and I almost died, but I'm still here. You never let anyone tell you when you're going to die, in my belief. Only God knows when and where.

I thank those that have walked this path with me, and have inspired me to survive to fight and thrive. As always I want to dedicate this blog to people that have been crucial in my life, like my mother, Tere, Krista Martel, and all of those amazing activists in the United States and the world who are my family and inspire me to continue on until the end.

With much love and light,

Maria Mejia

Comments

15 comments

Still here and still a light!

Submitted by Red40something • 7 months ago

Happy Birthday and Seroversary Sis! Thank you for your light and your advocacy and being so kind! You are appreciated and loved!

xo,

I love you

Submitted by MariaHIVMejia • 7 months ago

Thankyou so much sis! I really appreciate your words so much <3

Happy birthday!

Submitted by boseolotu • 7 months ago

Yes sis Maria,

It God Almighty that holds the keys to our lives.

Wishing you many happy returns full with lots of happiness, laughter, peace long life and sound health.

Much Love

Boseee

Submitted by MariaHIVMejia • 6 months ago

Thank-you sis! I Miss you

Love and light

Maria

Still Struggling

Submitted by S@dbs@v3d • 6 months ago

I was diagnosed almost 10 yrs and I still cry almost every day. I just made some reckless dumb decisions that has costed me dearly. I stepped out on an unhappy marriage and believed a lie from someone of my past. It was horrible to tell my husband & through it all, He didn't leave me. Sometimes l have such guilt and shame because every day when I look at him I'm reminded of what I did to him. I really have no one to talk to and I've been keeping it in side for years. I cannot talk to my husband about it because it will cause a trigger for him of the infidelity. This experience has kept me very close to God. I just wish it didn't have to take what I've done to find God on a deeper level... I just cry, pray and just keep it between me and God. I told one friend and then she told another and another so it's just made me less receptive to opening up to people. I've always wanted to come to a site like this and just release how I feel because I know would make me feel better but I was scared for so long. I don't know anyone in the same situation as I am and it's hard to talk to people who is not walking around with this virus. I just feel terrible because I should have known better. I've broken so many moral laws and I just feel bad about myself.

hello S@dbs@v3d, sending you light

Submitted by Red40something • 6 months ago

Sharing something like this is a big step, and takes a bit of vulnerability and strength tied together. We see, you and appreciate you. I hope it serves to help you see you not alone. Guilt is a heavy burden and I pray you can release it at some point. It sounds like your husband loves you since he stayed. A relationship with God is wonderful (and please believe I am not minimizing the importance of it), but I encourage you to also seek the company of other women who have been where you are. I don't know if you have ever considered therapy or joining a local support group in your area, but those things can go a long way towards helping you sort out your feelings, and get insights on how to move forward so you can really be free. if you send an an email to info@thewellproject.org , we may be able to help you find some resources for groups in your area.

I hope this helps. Thank you for being strong enough to say what been in your spirit. Were never as alone as we think. <3

thank you for sharing!

Submitted by Ci Ci • 6 months ago

thank you for sharing and being so open. i can certainly relate with making decisions that i wished that I hadn't. forgiving ourselves can be such a process that is not linear. i am rooting for you from over here, hoping that you find peace. welcome to the community!!

Hello

Submitted by MariaHIVMejia • 6 months ago

Thank you for sharing! All I can tell you is that it does get better, we are here for you.

Love and light,

Maria

Appreciate

Submitted by S@dbs@v3d • 6 months ago

Mariahivmejia,

Thanks so much for the encouragement...i do feel better that i at least have some where to go and express my feelings. I pray a day comes when i can be as expressive and free as you ladies on this site. I'm struggling to get past the infidelity part, It almost feels like punishment for the cheating.And I know that's not how God works, But it's the how I got to HIV is what's really taking me down. Our families know and i feel like a pariah on my husband's side. I know i was the family scandal and i avoided them for years because i couldn't face them and when i rarely did see them, i just wanted to run out the room. I felt like I was suffocating because of the obvious elephant in the room. Sometimes i wonder if it be easier to be divorced so i won't have to face my husband and his family. Its hard to look in their faces...it's just hard .

Maria and anyone who's listening, thank u, You would think after almost 10 years l would have a handle on this.What it feels li'm repeating the first year every year. I really admire everyone's courage on this site.And I pray that I eventually get where you all are.....free

Thank you

Submitted by S@dbs@v3d • 6 months ago

Red40something, thank you so much for the encouragement. Getting linked this organization is HUGE for me. There was a time I couldn't read the material or even say the word HIV without falling apart and going through a depression for a few weeks. But as the years rolled gone, it's gotten better in that respect. I am going to keep reading the information here so I feel so alone 😔 in this journey.

Be encouraged

Submitted by Red40something • 6 months ago

And remember-- this is your life. It doesn't belong to HIV. Its your body, your spirit--all yours. Don't give a virus the ability to steal your joy and the things that make you, you. Your worth and value are inherent, and HIV shouldn't change that!

Dearest Maria. God most…

Submitted by Marig2016 • 6 months ago

Dearest Maria. God most certainly orders our steps, and while we may never understand why so many have left us, he clearly has a bigger vision for you. You have truly been a pillar in our community and through all the work and sacrifices I hope you know how extremely loved and appreciated you are. 💖💖💖