I know it's been a while and I hate that I have these gaps. All I can say is life be life-ing. I feel like we are going back in time and I am just trying to live day by day. Trying to find the little things that bring me joy. I did not want to return to this blog with all the anger I have been feeling.
Last year I had the pleasure of being part of Dandelions Movement writing workshop that brought more healing than I anticipated. Once upon a time I did enjoy writing - in my youth, when I had time. If you have the opportunity, I encourage women to sign up for the workshop. The facilitators were amazing and created a safe space to share our art and feelings.
This poem is about a time I felt silenced and unseen. I think it is fitting for the times we are in.
Remember that time you had that baby.
The time where I no longer exist as a person.
They cared about me when I fell in the hospital but then Medicaid cut me off.
I bring life into this world and all they say is
HOW IS THE BABY?
Then because I am HIV positive I can't relax.
I have to take my baby to his first check up, so he can start the process of getting tested out.
Meanwhile my coochie just fell out, but no one cares about me carrying this heavy ass carseat.
Now don't get me wrong. I am not doing this alone.
I have a man, my mom, his mom and friends but it's still not enough.
It's not enough time in the day. Where has the time gone. I let 5 years go by without a vacation. Have I slept that many nights?
When I decide to take a break they say get up and do something productive.
Like I don't manage everyone's life in and out this home.
Things have to change
I'm going to know I exist.
I'm going to take care of me.
Nobody has me like me.
Nobody is going to treat me like me.
So I'm going to take that vacation. And did!!!
I'm going to take that nap. And did!!
I'm going to see my imaginary man in concert. And did!!!
And damn it I am going to do it again!!!
Look into the mirror and who do you see?
I SEE ALL OF ME!!!!
Now come on girl and let's get a drink.
