A New Person

As part of a collaboration with our longtime partner organization Christie's Place, The Well Project will be sharing stories from their book "Healing Hope: A woven tapestry of strength and solace" as blog entries on our A Girl Like Me platform. The views and opinions expressed in this project are those of the authors and do not necessarily reflect the views or positions of The Well Project.

**Content Warning** This piece discusses child sexual abuse by a family member and intimate partner violence (resources available at the bottom of this page)

If you need help, call The National Sexual Assault Online Hotline in the US at 800-656-HOPE (1-800-656-4673). You can also find resources and get help online at RAINN (https://rainn.org). If you are feeling threatened right now, call 911 or the National Domestic Violence hotline in the US at 800-799-SAFE [1-800-799-7233; or 1-800-787-3224 (TTY)]. You can also search for a safe space online at Domestic Shelters (https://www.domesticshelters.org/).

by Delia Zamora Padilla

Translation of Audio Transcription

Lea este blog en español

My name is Delia Zamora Padilla. I'm from Michoacán. I suffered a lot when I was a little kid. My dad lived in Mexico. He'd just cross over, make more kids, and go back. My mother was both mother and father. I was raped by one of my cousins when I was seven. When I was ten and a half, I came to live here, in Tijuana. My dad brought us. And then, here we were, just living our lives. Bringing us here ended up causing a lot of suffering for my mom and for us.

At 18 or 19, I met a drug addict who introduced me to the wild side. I got into all kinds of trouble. I was taking drugs. I was a prostitute. I worked in the downtown area of Tijuana. Life seemed easy. Things came easily. I used drugs to excess. For seven or eight years, I lived in the Tijuana River area by the border known as "el bordo." When I got pregnant—with a girl—I aborted her. My daughter would be about 20 now. I ate out of garbage bins. Sometimes the food was full of worms. I had to go through all of that because my father kicked me out of the house. It was easy for me to turn to drugs and to a person who, supposedly cared about me, but ended up getting me hooked. I hit the bottom of rock bottom.

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Illustration by Lena Gacek

Now, I'm thankful to God for giving me a son. He's 14 years old, and I share all my life experiences with him. I tell him about everything I've gone through. I hope it will help him have a different future. On September 16, I will have lived with the HIV virus for 20 years. I don't say it was a punishment; I say it was a miracle that got me off drugs because I was using around the clock. I was so messed up. It was easy for me to go around using drugs non-stop. I would tell my husband that I had to go out all the time; sometimes he sent me out. He'd send me out and I'd be hustling and turning tricks to score something for him. If I didn't score something for him, he would hit me. I was fighting just to live something that wasn't even a life. I lost my family. I lost my brothers. I lost everything because of drugs, because of the easy life.

Today, I realize that I'm happy. I have nothing. I have no money. I have nothing, but I'm happy. I live happily with my son. My son and I live here in my house. We live by ourselves. The two of us are a family; we are a team. Sometimes I have episodes and he's the one who helps me through them. I thank God that I have him.

I wish I could share with a lot of people so that in the future... there are many teenagers...can avoid living through what I lived through, because it's a really sad life. It's very sad to be alone on the streets at night, to be homeless, to be eating out of the garbage. It's still so sad for me because I have a son and I don't want him to experience any of the things I lived through or know that his father pushed me into a life of vice, or that even when I didn't want to have sex, I had to because he said I was his wife and I had to do it any way he wanted. I got angry. I was fed up and I said, "That's enough!"

That's when some folks came and rescued me from "el bordo." They asked me if I wanted to change, and I gave myself the chance to change and have a son. I thank God for my son. Now, I have my mother. My family supports me, pampers me, and gives me advice. I also feel loved by many people who know me here in my neighborhood. They give me advice and say, "You know what? I'm so glad that you've been drug-free for so long." I even thank God for having HIV because I know that HIV is the reason I stopped using drugs. I turned my life around. If I'm using, it will affect the way the medications work. If I want the medicine to help me live a longer life, then I'm going to do everything I need to do. It's been 20 years since I was diagnosed. I thank God that I'm clean. I got HIV from my partner. I had a partner and he infected me with HIV. I knew the person who infected him. The person who infected him was a friend of mine. I thank God I'm the way I am because I know that if I hadn't gotten HIV, I wouldn't be here.

Having HIV motivates me. Why? Because I'm motivated to be much more. I've always thought that if you live that hard life, it's because that's what you wanted. No one puts a gun to your head to get you into bad habits. I even thank God when I'm going through an episode, and for having given me my son.

My son has been watching out for me since he was five years old. He has been like a husband. Why do I say like a husband? Because he's the only one here at home. He's the one who takes care of me when I'm sick. He's the one paying attention. "Hey mom, you forgot to take your meds." Because sometimes when I get seizures, I forget. He's the one who tells me, "Mom, drink water; here's your water to take your medicine."

And to think back about the sad life path we took, the life we chose, I thank God because now there are so many places where they support us—people with HIV. The workshops they offer and the tools they provide, give us a chance to lead a normal life. And on top of that, they give us so much advice on how to handle things or which paths to take. I thank all the people who share their experiences with us so that we can take all the good parts and learn from them.

My main goal is to continue to fight on and to be in good health so that I will always stay clean. I'm doing that so that someday when I have grandchildren, I can be a good example to them and show them the right path. Thank you.

If you or someone you know would like resources or support in relation to the themes above, please see:

• Substance Abuse and Addiction
• Trauma and HIV
• Violence Against Women and HIV