COVID19 20/20

My Fears, Loss, and Anxiety of Facing Two Pandemics and the Triggers Many of Us Have Been Facing From the Early Days of HIV and AIDS

I don't know where to start. I have so much to write about and I have been stuck and not ready to do so since my father passed... Maybe one or two blogs have been put out by me, but I am ready to express my feelings and stop letting them boil inside.

I have been quarantined for almost eight months and only have been out of the house around five times! The isolation and fears along with so much anxiety have been too much! I am now slowly facing my fear and all I can do is protect myself with a mask and try to get back to me and to the most normal life I can live. I cannot live in fear and I also need to get back to the gym!!! For me that was my therapy and I will just try to go when they have the least people.

I am still grieving the death of so many in this horrific year of loss! It reminds me of the times people were dropping like flies dying of AIDS and the stigma it carried. I’ve had friends that have passed of complications of AIDS, COVID-19, suicide, and cancer! I cannot even open my Facebook without seeing another death. :( I know we are all going to pass, but it seems like this year there has been so much more death! Having to see billions of animals dying, fires ravaging the land, earthquakes, racism, and a country that is more divided than ever, and an administration that doesn’t take this pandemic serious, the anxiety of the election that is coming and so much more!!!

I miss my family and friends! I miss my old life that was snatched from me and many! So many are homeless, sick, hungry, jobless, etc. I am blessed and it’s a miracle that after almost one year of not getting blood work and not taking too much good care of myself, I had the best blood work results in a long time! This gave me motivation to fight and continue trucking on my own!

This is a time of growth even if we are feeling pain and sorrow. There has to be a reason for all of this mess and how the world is now. My best advice is to take it one day at a time… We shall overcome and as the true warriors we are, we will fight till the end!

love and light,
Maria Mejia