Hello friends. What a life. I am without a lot of words as I begin to write. Still getting over being banned and overlooked by my mentor and peer navigators. I signed a paper in my medical directive to keep a couple people from my medical records. I don't feel that they play a big enough role in my hands-on care and too much has become personal and again, no relationship resembles such inclusion so why am I wrong to do with my healthcare as I see fit? I really am missing out on the new things happening in the community so I am venturing to new events to make new acquaintances and continue my...
Angel S.'s blog
Hopelessness is my beginning, I hope to succeed, I hope to... Daily we experience death on so many levels. Death of a loved one is probably first on your mind. How about death of a career, TV series or a household item (your blow dryer or iron); death of a habit or addiction, death of a disease. Here lately, for me I recognize death behind all fears. Fear is a feeling when moved in by your choice, yeah it may win; however staying in the moment is a choice of deciding whom wins. Forget Hope, trust You. Stop grabbing for your babysitter (i.e., mentioned above fearing to lose.) No longer your go...
Irma plus 2. How has my life been impacted by Irma and does HIV become a priority concern? No, after securing my meds to a safe location. Safety, water, food, shelter, that's what's on my mind.
The aftermath and education... I made it through. I am Clean! Off these drugs taking my serenity from me. I notice as days turn to weeks just what my part in stigma is. I am disappointed I have allowed myself to become a Stigmatizer myself. I found that by being ashamed of my status I was giving power and fuel to the ignorance of others. I self-medicated to numb the feeling so I could move forward with my advocacy, now I see how wrong I was. I accept my status and I love and accept myself as I am. I am not a bad person. I made bad decisions. I took a more colorful route than most choose. I am...
So the topic today comes to mind after a person reacted completely like a jackass. Uneducated and ignorant. You have to believe that without education of any type your just an ass with a mouth and words; careful with those, you cannot unsay anything. So my question would be: Why do you think you're above me? What exactly gives you the right to try to be mean to my lover? I am in this fight not just for us living with HIV; I do this for the human race. I am uncomfortable when you storm in a room and say shit like, "Wow you got AIDS?" I would like to respond, "I have a lot more than 'AIDS', I...
So I have been struggling between addiction, sexual, mental and physical abuse. Yet when asked, "Why do you accept the time you have with these individuals?" I can only respond with love. I ask myself why does it matter to me? I see you stand in judgement of others. When you had and have no intentions to comfort, teach or love these particular individuals. Go away already for Goodness sake. Misery does love company. I do not. After so many decades of loneliness and feeling inadequate, your door opens; yet unlike the company you been keeping, an unfamiliar face appears (I see me, I showed up)...
Suffering in silence has serious consequences. The elephant in the room can no longer be hidden, and while society as a whole needs to reevaluate its solution to mental health, we see the stigma involved with Mental Health is exactly the same shaming as found in HIV. We need to play a part in the process to remove these effects controlling us and leaving us and others ill informed. Going into care has been mind blowing. I learned that Stigma is wherever there is misunderstanding or ignorance; including fear of being educated. I am almost thirty days into the progress. I am now realizing how...
As birthdays pass and Holiday comes. I can't help to have a heavy heart. I said good bye to my loved ones some time has passed. This steady breathing is filled with gasps. My dear child has left me. My friend took his life. I have struggled too long to give up yet. I hold dear to my memories of times when we laughed. Free falling is the price. I roll the dice. Today I live. Will that day be tomorrow or shall I excuse myself from playing one last game. I know the price I pay is way too high. I have no energy for this world. God stay with me as I learn to crawl back to the safety of Faith.
Day 3 evening. Left friends, and meeting with David for a small task I said I would help with. Deal was to get dropped off and ride extra bike back home, meet FBI guy, and head out for a bit.
Day 2 evening. I spent the day in bed, slept till 7 pm. I did some small tasks during day but not much.