Freedom

About 10 years ago I sat in a dorm room playing the words the man said to me a few hours earlier, "Your HIV test came back positive". What did that even mean? All I could think at the time was death. God, when will I die? Those were my thoughts.

Here I am 10 years later and realizing that I will live and not die, at least not from HIV. I choose to live freely and not let it be a definer of who I am. Living with HIV has been somewhat of a rollercoaster for me. I started at a place where I thought I would never do half of the things I dreamed to doing everything I could think of. I decided to go to nursing school after my diagnosis. Although at the time I didn't think I would ever share my story, I just knew there was work to do. I saw how fragile I was treated. I saw other healthcare workers tell me they would never even get tested. I saw the gap and I knew there was a need that had to be filled. I took the life that I actually thought would not amount to anything and made it something I could never imagine. I knew that I could not stay in a trapped position; I could not keep isolating the gifts on the inside of me. I chose freedom instead.

I wanted freedom from

"Stigma"

"depression"

"anxiety"

"loneliness"

"unworthiness"

and "bitterness"

This freedom came when I chose to accept it, accept me. I did not choose to be HIV positive, but I am. A lot of other things came along with the diagnosis that I didn't like. One thing it did give me was strength. The strength to know that I can get through and that to take me out you have to try a lot harder. So girl, I want you to remember me and go be free!