Where do I start with this year of lessons and so much pain?
2018 started ok, although I never expected it to be so so hard, and I never thought that I would ever be this strong…but I am. I realized this being alone now and dealing with things on my own and not taking the easy route out! We are maybe 6 days away from Christmas and I cannot wait to go visit my mother in Colombia in January, and to go visit my father's ashes :( Yes! My father passed this year! Many know the turbulent relationship I had with my father whom I forgave and love endlessly. I am glad I forgave him many years ago and I have my conscience clear and made him happy his last 15 years.
I also lost my best friend and ex-partner Li of 10 years! As some know in my last blog, he was undocumented and Trump's administration and many situations made us end the relationship! Although we have communication daily, I really miss my friend and wonderful human being he is. My father's death was very hard...I really thought that all my wounds would be healed, but they actually opened up and it made me understand many things that I need to heal, and how it has affected all of my relationships! Being alone was my biggest fear and this is something that I am learning to deal with and I am ok with. I was just used to being co-dependent and this is not a good thing. Being this way tampers with our growth!
I am glad I have my niece Angelina who is just 17 years old but has been such a huge support system for me. <3 She is like a daughter...I don't know why strong women do not like to reach out for help, and we hide behind our smiles? You never know what someone is going through!
So many things that have happened to me that I am not ready to talk about!!!! Toxic people and bad energies. I am hoping to get motivated again and pick up my gym again! I became very depressed but, finally, I have been almost 1 month on an antidepressant called Cymbalta! That and some health issues due to stress and alternate factors have taken a toll, and I will see very soon what my cd4 tcells are at and also my viral load! I haven't been taking good care of myself and this is why I urge everyone to get help when life becomes overwhelming!!!!
So here is to a better 2019!!! I can't wait to start the year and optimistic that all of these trials were learning lessons! Oh did I forget to mention that I had to move 3 times in less than 25 days? This is madness, but it happened! I guess I'll talk about that situation one day. I also have my car on the shop and they are trying to charge me over $3,000 dollars and this is just pure insanity (most likely cause I am a woman), so it continues and I continue to get knocked down and I get myself back up!!!! This too shall pass I tell myself. As my mom always says, life is a path of roses full of thorns and it is so true.
Much love and light to everyone.
