I have not been able to write in some time as right now my life is in a state of flux. Four years ago my career was at it’s peak. I was a senior television producer for over 7 years with one of the leading channels of the country. Work kept me on my toes 24/7. Then I met the man who I decided to marry, and I willingly gave up all those years to move on to the next level…to start my own family, and to fulfill the one dream I had been nurturing for years. I moved to a new country with my husband and took up a lighter job at a school, which allowed me to side by side do all the things I had not been able to find time to do earlier – try new recipes, decorate my house, read new books, watch movies, keep in touch with old friends, go on holidays.
Three years flew by, and then I was diagnosed. Overnight everything changed. I had to move back to my country and right now am in the process of doing something I never thought I would do again. I have moved into a new and smaller apartment and am looking out for a job. Last few weeks I have been meeting people, and everybody wants to know why I moved back. Although I have repeated the same lie several times over, I still swallow hard when I tell them “Oh, It got lonely for us being away from home and I missed my old job, So I’m back!” I hope I find work soon.
Today, the only thing I am more anxious about than finding a job for myself is finding one for my husband. He had a wonderful career going for him, and the day I got diagnosed and found out I had to exit, without a moment of hesitation he agreed to give up everything he had and start a new life with me wherever I would have to go. I feel guilty for him, but more than that I feel love and pride for having a beautiful partner. I know somewhere even he feels guilty about the fact that had he been able to have children, I would never have been in this situation.
However, here we are…and we keep reminding ourselves that there is something good hidden behind the turn of events and we will find out soon what it is.Desperately looking out for some luck and prayers for things to fall into place.
Dear Gisele, You are a strong woman. Although I have a lot to learn about my situation, i have realised that it surely takes strength to tell the truth, but it also takes strength to hide it everyday and pretend everything is fine. thank you for your kind words. look forward to hearing back. My prayers are with you.
Dear Doreen,
Thank you for your words of encouragement. Whenever you find the time, do read my intro story where I am sure you will find most of your questions answered-
http://girllikeme.org/2010/12/01/sonias-intro/
Will look forward to hearing back. Take care.
Thanks for sharing your story. One thing you need to know, you are not alone. Take heart and live your life. Your post raises so many questions: diagnosed with what? Is your partner also infected? What had happened? etc etc. But all in all thanks for sharing your story.
Until we actually live these great turmoils in life, it's hard to believe they actually happen.
I've had HIV for 27 years; I've side stepped many questions over the years, but wouldn't it be a relief to just tell the truth of the matter? Unfortunately, it still doesn't work that way. HIV still comes with a stigma, which serves to keep most women quiet and isolated. I'm glad for you that you have a supportive partner.
I've lived in numerous houses, most of them, my own. Now that I have reached the need for Palliative Care, I find myself living in a public housing facility with assisted-care living. It certainly wasn't the retirement I had planned, after teaching for 20 years.
And you have found a place of support and care. I wish you and your partner peace and courage and do write back. Thinking of you.