Polishing My Crown

I've kinda been in weird place mentally and emotionally. I'm sure a lot of it has to do with my physical health, but that's a story for another day.

You'd think by now some of the negative responses towards my status wouldn't get to me, but maybe it's because my strength is just a little low and my tolerance is thin. I've been pouring so much into others that I've been neglecting myself. But lately I'm just not feeling it, anything, nothing at all.

I know so many of us are commended for our strength and resilience, but as I write this I'm reminded that we don't always need to wear a brave face. Unless you've weathered the storm of HIV, it's hard to understand what we go through. There are plenty of good days because we know we are more than our diagnosis, but on days that we aren't good, sometimes they last a bit longer than we'd like.

Living with HIV publicly or silently is a battle. Our bodies are in a constant fight to keep us healthy, and thank goodness for the advances in medicine, but it doesn't negate the fact that this virus is smart and these meds are strong. To think that's just the physical battle, sometimes the easiest of them all.

This is a reminder for me and you, to rest and recharge as much as needed. It doesn't mean your crown is flawed; it just needs to be polished.