Not Being the NORMAL Mom

I can remember back in 1993 trying to get pregnant, via turkey baster and by standing on my head using a bowl, and going to the doctor to get a blood test to see if I was pregnant yet and the doctor telling me that I shouldn't get pregnant. Then calling me on the phone after she, the doctor, with her newborn crying in the background, telling me that she didn't think I was that kind of person to do that to a baby and I more than likely wouldn't make it to even see my baby graduate high school. I then went to yet another doctor and told him I was trying to get pregnant and to test me and he sat there in silence, pondering his own thoughts and opinions, finally said ok and the appointment ended then. I then find out I was "maybe" pregnant. REALLY!!!!!!!!! I was so excited yet so confused. I was told to make an appointment with an OB/GYN. I went to that appointment and was told it was possibly a tubal pregnancy so blood work was done and an ultrasound scheduled. I went to the ultrasound appointment and there I saw my baby!!! A little peanut in my womb. He wasn't in my tubes he was just still a lil thing, they tested me a little too early to give me a definite answer. As my appointments continued and I steadily got a bigger and bigger belly, my joy beamed from me. Still having doctors, family and friends look down on me for getting pregnant on purpose because of being afraid of me infecting my baby, all I could say was, "I know God will protect my baby". They all looked at me as being stupid and having wishful thinking but I just knew my baby would be ok, just as I knew the sky is blue. The baby daddy (lol) was so excited, especially when we saw our little bundle of joy was going to be a boy. I wrote and scrapbooked every bit of information from each appointment (weight, t-cell count). I never took meds when pregnant even tho it was offered to me...well I should say it was forced upon me by doctors I did not trust and who looked down on me for getting pregnant so I refused.

At that time there wasn't enough information to let me know it would be safe for my baby. I did go into pre-term labor with my son and was hospitalized for a week to make it stop. That was at 34 weeks along. This was also the time I fought with the woman in charge of the hospital itself because they posted a Biohazard sign on my hospital room door. Needless to say, they removed it and moved me to a room by the nurses station.

I finally had my baby boy at 38 weeks along, vaginally, no meds and he was perfect!!!!!! 2 days after he was put in my arms and we were about to pack to go home I had a nurse come in and try to get me to have my baby tested for HIV. She quickly became pissed off when, at the age of 19, I looked at her and said, "I may not have a PhD but I do KNOW that if they were to test my baby then, the test would be positive because it would show MY antibodies". She told me that the doctor might have a problem releasing him and left the room. I was fuming like a momma bear protecting her cubs. I gave her 10 minutes to return then I was leaving---with MY baby. They must've thought because I was young, I would do whatever they said. I had done my homework!! She finally returned to tell me they would release him. I went home that day consumed with joy and pride that I was a new momma with a precious gift from God.

I took my baby to his first doctor appointment and was then hit with yet another doctor who talked down to me and when I refused to have my baby tested just yet she then told me, "Any good mother would have their baby tested". Of course we switched doctors. I did find a good pediatrican for my baby and had him tested at 9 months. His ELISA (test) turned up positive but his Western Blot (test) turned up negative. So we waited until he was 12 months old and had him tested again. Both tests came back negative. Then at 18 months he was tested again, so he would have 2 negative tests confirming he was negative. And of course, it was confirmed!!!!!! Through all the misery and judgement all those doctors and other people tried to put me through, I followed my heart, my instinct, my gut and disregarded what was said to me and I got to have my baby boy who was and is very healthy to this day!!!! I do not know why God protected my baby and doesn't protect others, I just know that for me, I knew with every part of my being he would be fine. The stigma and condemnation then and now for a woman to want and go through with having a baby is uncalled for. The research today shows that the transmission rate is nearly gone when meds are used and the mother's viral load is undetectable. We have come a long way since 1993 and I am a strong believer that NO ONE should judge when they have no clue and/or have not walked in our shoes.

I have since going through all of that above, did have another planned baby. I found a doctor I trusted and who knows what he is talking about and backed mine and my then husband's decision to conceive again. I had a baby girl this time, c-section and on meds. She, too, is negative and healthy as ever. She is now 13 and definitely a teenager. I want to duct tape her to the wall sometimes lol.

So to all the doctors, family and friends who didn't back me, just judged me, I say kiss my butt!! I am still alive and kickin' and have been able to be a mom to 2 beautiful children that are NEGATIVE!!!!!!!!!

I hope this is helpful to some of you. Even through all the horrible negativity I have lasted and been able to stand up for what I believed in.