For weeks now I have been fighting depression. Sinking slowly down a dark, lonely and miserable hole feeling hopeless. In my head I have thoughts of, "Why am I here? I have no dreams anymore, no motivation, not really fulfilling my job as a mother, wife, human being. I wish so bad I could just stay asleep til the good part of life comes along or not wake up at all." I couldn't be so lucky, I thought. "I almost wish I could off myself and feel ok with it". I reach out to God daily to please help me or just take me home and I get nothing. My marriage is great, he takes care of me, doesn't hit me...
angelakrebs74's blog
Now on to the next hurdle I have had to face. This one hits my heart!!!! My 13 year old daughter has been riding the bus and staying the night often with her best friend who has severe OI (brittle bone disease) and is wheelchair bound because her bones break so easy. I have been letting her stay with her because I do not like her to see me in pain and the depression has gotten very overwhelming at times. My daughter's best friend's mother (Michelle) and I have become very close, we share a lot in common because she has had to fight for her daughter and her rights at school, they know her well...
As I begin my blog, my mind is racing with all the things I want to express. Some things may sound crazy, depressing or goofy (which is the norm LOL), but I only blog to try to help and reach those out there going through the same things. To begin, I want to tell you how my experience went with my first AIDS Walk 2012 to raise funds for the DEFA program which helps those with HIV/AIDS with meds, housing, utilities, etc. Direct Emergency Financial Assistance Fund. This is a fund that I myself have had to use in the past and also just recently as my meds were changed to make it easier for me to...
Before I decided to post this video I was thrilled, yet hesitant. I am thrilled that I can be a part of A Girl Like Me and try to make a difference to someone somewhere. But then the thoughts of not getting the message across that it is so important to be safe, positive or negative, and that living with HIV/AIDS doesn't mean automatic death anymore, scared me. I want people to see that me, an everyday person you see, can be infected with HIV. You should never trust just anyone with your life and your health. This video was shot by Maria Mejia at the International AIDS Conference 2012 this past...
I recently encountered the harsh reality of the stigma that goes along with being HIV+ once again. One of my bestest (lol) friends was accused of being HIV+ because she hangs out with me. I often forget just how horrible people see me sometimes until it creeps up like this. I have to remember that being open about my status, in hopes of opening some eyes, there are sometimes consequences that tag along with this. People are STILL very ignorant to the subject and choose to not educate themselves because they don't feel they have to. My biggest fear is that my children will be ridiculed for...
Instead of replying to the blogs and blog videos Maria has posted I thought I would share with everyone... I sat down and watched and read some of the blogs Maria has posted and she really struck a nerve, a fire in my behind, conviction for my actions and a light bulb in my head. lol. Some of those sound bad, but they are not aimed at Maria--but myself. I have never really made an effort or changed a whole lot of things in my life and the way I take care of myself. I am in love with sugar and my coffee and my cigarettes!!!! Maria was so wonderful and pointed out how important it is to take...
I can remember back in 1993 trying to get pregnant, via turkey baster and by standing on my head using a bowl, and going to the doctor to get a blood test to see if I was pregnant yet and the doctor telling me that I shouldn't get pregnant. Then calling me on the phone after she, the doctor, with her newborn crying in the background, telling me that she didn't think I was that kind of person to do that to a baby and I more than likely wouldn't make it to even see my baby graduate high school. I then went to yet another doctor and told him I was trying to get pregnant and to test me and he sat...
It's amazing to me that I am still here after all these years of being HIV+ when in the beginning of HIV/AIDS coming out it was considered a death sentence. It's amazing to me that as I sit and fill out and plan for my son's graduation party, that when I was pregnant with him, there were doctors that told me I wouldn't live to see him graduate high school. It's amazing to me that after finding out that I am HIV+ and how I became infected, I still have friends and family that have unprotected sex with people that have never been tested. The mentality is still there that "It won't happen to me"...
The weekend is almost over and as I sit here still drinking coffee in the middle of the afternoon, I am very thankful for the little things. The birds singing, the sun shining, my children laughing and my husband working in the garage. Everyone is healthy, even though my body hurts right now lol. HIV is like having asthma, sometimes you feel fine with it and sometimes you feel you can't catch your breath with it. That's when we grab our support, our "HIV inhalers", and just breath in the fresh air. I wanted to blog and share what I made over the weekend for a friend of mine's 1 year old...
My name is Angela Krebs and I have been HIV+ for almost 21 years. I am 37, married and have 2 children that were planned and are negative. I am from Indianapolis, Indiana. I was searching for information on muscle pain and HIV, as I have HIV arthritis and constant body pain, and for some reason God took me to “A Girl Like Me”. I have no friends that are HIV+ and as my struggle with my health begins to effect my everyday functioning, I feel alone. I watched Maria Mejia’s video blog and began to cry as I too was just a teenager when I was infected. I was 16 and the guy I was involved with was 24...