motivation, faith, forgiveness

I am a 59-year-old woman. Almost 8 months ago I received an HIV-positive diagnosis. Unexpected, surprising, incomprehensible, and unfair. With these four adjectives I can describe that first impact that the diagnosis generated in me.

As the days continue to get shorter and darker, accessing my resilience is the practice that reminds me I am whole, lovable, safe, and worthy of family, community, and connection. Living from the...

After five years absence, this year I was finally able to visit my Motherland Burundi again. My big dream was to rejoin the school children, parents and teachers in my village Murira, part of the commune of Gihanga.

To read in English, click here. Soy una mujer de 59 años. Hace casi 8 meses recibí el diagnóstico de HIV positivo. Inesperado, sorpresivo, inentendible e injusto. Con estos cuatro adjetivos puedo...

Mujer de 59 años, de profesión Socióloga, Instructora de Yoga, curiosa por naturaleza. Con un alto sentido de la lealtad y que busca en cada acto de su vida hacerlo con sentido de propósito.

59 year old woman, sociologist, yoga instructor, and naturally curious. With a high sense of loyalty and seeking to live and act with purpose.

Me salí de mi casa a la edad de 14 años y empecé con alcohol y drogas. Siempre me sentí inferior a las demás. Desde mi actividad sexual me hacía estudios de sangre, aunque mis relaciones no fuesen constantes. Ya existía en mí el temor a una enfermedad de trasmisión sexual. Había ocasiones que regresaba a casa y mi familia siempre me recibía con amor y podía sentir su tranquilidad cuando me veían llegar, pero yo fallaba cada que mi ansiedad volvía.

I left home when I was 14 and I started drinking and doing drugs. I always felt like 'less' than other girls. I'd get blood tests since I was sexually active, even if I wasn't having sex all the time. I lived with the fear of sexually transmitted diseases. There were times when I would go back home and my family always greeted me lovingly.

I remember attending USCHA in 2016 and feeling out of place, unsure of my next moves, and feeling defeated in all aspects of my life. I remember being ready to give up and walk away from HIV work FOREVER (please insert Cardi B voice) because I just didn't think I had anything left to offer.

Following our trip to California, I continued mourning my life before HIV. In the midst of the daily funerals I would have for my "old self," I was still waiting, and in some ways hoping (praying) that this was not my reality.