Have you ever battled with HIV fatigue and/or depression and felt very alone in your own sadness? A particular scene appeared in front of my vision:
I was sitting behind my friend Karuna on her scooter- waiting for the traffic light to turn green. There was a marriage procession passing by to my right, beating drums, playing shehnai, and people dressed in all their finery, dancing to the music. The groom was mounted on the horse, his face radiating with happiness... when all of a sudden I heard a melancholy music to my left. Another procession passed by but the mood was different - the band was sombre and my eyes spotted the "arthi"!! A funeral procession. The band to my right played on, totally oblivious to the funeral band to my left. I turned to Karuna, exclaiming - "Ek taraf khushi ka mahaul toh dusri taraf gam." (At one side is happiness whereas on the other side is gloom.) But what made me shocked was her quick reply: "Circle of life." I have totally forgotten that nowadays people have no time to stand and stare. We are living in a fast paced life. Life goes on. Hence there was a whole truth in Karuna's statement.
So what am trying to say here is: People will love to be in your happiness and celebrate with you. But your worries, your grief and your problems are your own battles that you need to fight. Alone. Nowadays you won't find people having time to lend you a listening ear, give their shoulder to cry on, or offer you a warm hug. Just like a marriage procession who doesn't even have a time to pause for a few seconds to give their obeisance to the departed.
Thus the big question: with the changing of time, are people going to empathise or understand your illness OR be insensitive because they don't have time or sensitivity to deal with your health issues?
Consider your HIV as yet another challenge in your life to conquer. You may be alone in your battle but in the course of time someone will definitely stand and stare. And applaud.
Hence: if you want to be strong, learn how to fight alone.
Alone I am
I've been fighting this battle alone since I was diagnosed about 18 years ago. Approximately a year ago, I told my sister. Being open about this has not been easy for me as I am sure most of us feel that way. I just happened to find AGLM and decided to join. I pray that reading stories and writing my own will help me emotionally.