It's Amazing to Me

• It's amazing to me that I am still here after all these years of being HIV+ when in the beginning of HIV/AIDS coming out it was considered a death sentence.
• It's amazing to me that as I sit and fill out and plan for my son's graduation party, that when I was pregnant with him, there were doctors that told me I wouldn't live to see him graduate high school.
• It's amazing to me that after finding out that I am HIV+ and how I became infected, I still have friends and family that have unprotected sex with people that have never been tested.  The mentality is still there that "It won't happen to me".
• It's amazing to me that I am the only person my friends know, that is HIV+ , when there are so many folks out there that are infected. Really makes me think about all the folks that are infected and don't know it or don't want to find out.
• It's amazing to me that people look at me when they first find out about me being HIV+ and say and think things like, "So that's why she is so skinny". Everyone in my family is skinny.  I weigh 105 lbs.  I want to say to them, "No that's not why and what is your reason for being fat".  Can you feel the frustration coming out in me today? lol  I am a very loving person and would never say such a thing but it really makes me mad that the perception of being HIV+ is so crazy.
• It's amazing to me that after all the information that is provided out there on HIV/AIDS that people still don't want to learn or listen to people like me and become educated to not only protect themselves but to also not be afraid to hug me or eat after me.
• It's amazing to me that there are still people out there that think HIV is a gay disease.  Hello people--I'm straight--AND I didn't have anal sex to get it!!!!
• It's amazing to me that after all of these years of being infected that it's only been in the last couple of years that my health has been an issue.  I wonder sometimes why God let me be stupid and have sex with the "wrong" guy but then again I feel that God has taken the bad and turned it to good because I now can help others to stop and think.  When you do not have your health you have nothing.  I know my blog seems a little crazy but I thought I would share my thoughts.

Doc told me he thinks not only do I have HIV arthritis but also HIV neuropathy in my entire body.  I hurt everyday but taking Lyrica has made suuuuchhhhh a big difference.  I feel I can function and be a Mom and wife. I also take Hydrocodone to help with my body pain and my neck, I have a bulging disc and pinched nerve in my neck.  But today has been really rough as my neck is hurting really bad and going down my back and the pain med is not kicking the pain.  HIV and pain are in my face everyday now but I have to stay strong and not let my children see me in pain.

I want so badly to be able to work but I never know from day to day how I am going to feel.  I want to be "somebody" and help others.  I pray something in this blog will help someone somewhere.  I am such a people person and love to laugh and be goofy.  When I meet some people after talking with them for just a little while and they find out I am HIV+ the shock on their face is priceless.  I guess people think I should be sickly looking or something.  I am very open with my status but I don't tell everyone I meet of course because I have had bad experiences.  And that to me is amazing because it shows just how uneducated people STILL are about this disease and how it is spread.  It's not just a gay disease anymore, it's a people disease.

I hope all of you AMAZING women are doing wonderful!!!