I was born with HIV. I am supposed to be pessimistic about everything in life. I'm supposed to graduate high school and barely make it to college, let alone graduate from college. I'm supposed to hide away and never have sex since no one will want to have sex with me or be monstrous by not telling anyone that I have it. I'm supposed to be on drugs, miserable, and speaking of how hard life is instead of how great life is.
Well I'm opposite of all that for the most part. I am mostly positive about everything in life, except falling in love with someone who deserves it. But I did graduate high school. I also graduated from community college and received my Bachelors of Science degree in Legal Studies, ending my college education with a 3.83 GPA. I do tell everyone, especially now, before I have sex with them, that I am HIV positive. Women whom I date usually don't care about that aspect of my life, especially once I educate them on it. I'm ripped as hell, I mean fit as hell and I love taking care of myself internally as well as physically. I'm pretty bad-azz or amazing for someone who has this STD. If that makes me narcissistic, then so be it. Honestly though, it makes me self-aware of my strengths. It represents how many punches I can absorb in life but then punch back just as hard, if not harder.
I'm followed by Rihanna, my favorite musical artist, inspiration, and muse, on Instagram. I am also followed by the mayor of New York, Bill DeBlasio on Twitter. No, I'm not bragging, but just know two of the biggest people whom I admire know I exist and I got their attention.
What are my hardships? Out of four siblings I was the only one born with HIV. My mother sat on the same chair I am sitting on now and told me that she shared a heroin needle with a former friend who purposely gave her HIV. He also knew she was pregnant. I forgive him. I forgive them both. I will always love my mother and when she died, I dropped to my knees on the kitchen floor and felt like someone took my heart out of my chest literally. It was a shocking and dramatic moment I will never forget.
Following my mother's death, I had to motivate myself in school. In fact, for a few years I blocked out the void that my mother's death left and attempted to focus on just school, getting great grades and even earning the principal's award the same school year she died. Then, just a year later in eighth grade, I was going through accepting my lesbian sexuality - well at the time, bi-sexuality - just a year subsequent her death. That was hard enough, let alone always being told by my family to never tell anyone that I had HIV. Only I was supposed to know. It was my business. Side note: My grandmother and aunt still think I'm a jackass for telling anyone about me having HIV. Let me not digress though.
Since my teen years I noticed that the medicine I took sucked fat out of my face or cheekbones. I used to have beautiful full cheekbones and now I don't. When my cheeks do look fuller it's because I've visited a plastic surgeon who puts fat back inside my cheeks by using temporary FDA approved fillers such as Radiesse or Sculptra. I'm anal about my appearance at all times and yes, of course having a gaunt or sickly looking face impacts my self-esteem at times. I know I am beautiful inside and out. Sometimes I need the doctor to adjust the outside since the medicine that keeps me alive needs to adjust my insides. The way I perceive things in life makes me happy compared to the average person with this illness.
Finally, in regards to my love life, well that's a book long of entries worth saving for later. Hello, my name is Brittney Mosley, but please call me Bri, Bri Bri, or even midget mac daddy. My sense of humor is ludicrous. Bear with me. I am never completely classy, a goofball, cornball, profound intellect always inspired by new things, a passionate believer of certain things, a sexual lion, and a fiery artist who delivers words as if I painted a canvas with each word in a unique way. Welcome. Enjoy. Share. Live. Laugh. Love. The inspiration you find within me I definitely see within you. Thank you for the support. Thank you for reading. Thank you for the love.
