My heart broke
I can't believe it. My heart tore, then broke, and BOOM! I am beating on my chest, crying, and screaming, Oh My God! PLEASE HELP ME! Thank God I was initially on the phone with a friend who encouraged me to call 911. "911, what's your emergency?" said Dispatch. "I don’t know if I'm having a panic attack or a heart attack." I said frantically. I could not believe that for the first time in my life I'm on the phone with 911 with a REAL life emergency. "Do you want Ambulance or Fire Fighter ma'am?" asked dispatch. "Ambulance, ambulance, ambulance," I muttered. I just couldn't seem to catch my breath. I thought if I would try to remain calm that my heart would stop pounding so hard. It did for a second, then the squeezing started up again. "OH MY GOD! PLEASE HELP MEEEEE!!!!" I screamed. I opened my car door gasping for air. I could not breathe! I thought maybe fresh air would help. It didn't. "Ma'am what's the address you're at?" asked dispatch.
I could barely think. I'm certain at this point I was losing oxygen to my brain. "I'm at the red and black gas station." I start crying because I can not explain where I'm at but I knew where I was. I was at the Texaco! I'm thinking where is the ambulance and this is taking too long. I begin whispering, "Please help me…" Dispatch starts screaming and wailing. Another lady comes on the line while I hear the other lady calling on Jesus, praying, and crying in the background. I begin thinking I'm about to die. I say it, "I feel like I'm about to die. This hurts soooooo bad. Please help me." "Ma'am do you hear the ambulance? Do you see them? What's your name? What's your home address? Where are you?" Sooooo many questions dispatch is asking. I'm so frustrated at this point I get quiet. I begin whispering, "I think I hear them."
Paramedics arrive. Now I've had many panic attacks over the years, NONE of which ever hurt! The paramedics are kneeled down at the foot of my door saying they think I'm having a panic attack and asked me if I wanted to go to the hospital. I felt like these were stupid questions. I just grabbed my things, closed my car door, locked it and climbed onto the stretcher. I told them to take me to GRADY because I DON'T KNOW IF I'M HAVING A HEART ATTACK OR A PANIC ATTACK. It took the paramedic a few minutes before he decided to give me baby aspirin. I felt like he thought I was just being a drama queen. No one to tell me it's going to be ok was a sad moment so I told it to myself. Upon my arrival to the hospital, the paramedics say it again! Now I’m pissed! "She says she's having a panic attack," said the paramedic. The pain strikes again! I'm surrounded by maybe 8 people. I grab the closest one to me and yell,"I DON’T KNOW IF I'M HAVING A PANIC ATTACK OR HEART ATTACK! OH MY GOD! PLEASE HELP ME! PLEASE HELP ME!"
By this time they have cut my clothes off.
Another guy with an Indian accent calmly says very loud, "Ok ma'am! You're having a heart attack! Let's go, let's go, let's go!"
Ever since that day my heart has been healing like a double entendre. I'm now overprotective of my heart. The meaning of healing a heart that cannot be replaced unless someone else dies and gives you theirs.
I had something called Spontaneous Coronary Artery Dissection or a SCAD heart attack. There's nothing you can do to prevent it and some never experience a heart attack as a result of the tear. It happens to those who are healthy and at times strikingly young or pregnant. I AM NOT PREGNANT but I'm young-ish. No cholesterol, no blood pressure, and regular stresses of being a parent and in college. They do think hormones play a huge role but my hyperthyroidism has been under control for 8 years.
As my heart has been healing I never realized how much my emotions affect my heart. If I saw someone sad it hurt, laughter hurt, every feeling outside of being calm or asleep hurt. It's been an interesting journey to recovering, nevertheless I'm grateful to still be here. Walking has been challenging, no lifting, just to cook a meal is a field trip. These last two weeks have been my strongest. I don't look like what I'm going through. I'm still pushing through but I still have some time to heal on my road to recovery. Thank you in advance for the well wishes, love, and light.
Remember, be kind to everyone because everyone is battling something.
We do so much with our hearts
We do so much with our hearts each day. We ignore the fact that it beats. second by second unless we are excercising and working it. Minutes, hours, days, years. We give it away in love. We protect it from love. It swells with emotion, and sometimes fills with pain. We forget its a hard working muscle. We take advantage of the fact thats its just always there.
My focus is this though...You had an experience few can identify with. I'm incredibly glad you are still with us, with your heart doing its job. Your heart is strong. You though, your spirit, your will, your very life force and your will are stronger. Well done sister. Well done.
Gratitude
I am grateful for this post. I am grateful you (eventually) got the right care and that you are healing. I have also been in a position of having a heart issue and being told I was having a panic attack. For me, I had just come home from the hospital a few days earlier after delivering my only child. I was short of breath, it worsened, I called mom and 911. I have had mental health challenges all of my life and know what my panic feels like. This was different. I am also a mental health professional, and understand the similarities of heart attack and what panic attacks feel like for many. To have 2 male EMTs come to my home and waste precious time telling me I was having a panic attack was disgraceful. If I were a man would they have treated me the same? My mom arrived, a retured RN by the way and also said this is not anxiety she needs to get to the hospistal. Eventually I was brought in with a post partum cardiac issue that left my hospitalized for 5 days. I relate, I feel you and I am grateful that you are ok!
Thinking of You
Wow, I do wish you a stress-free recovery. This really scared me as I read it. I had no idea Masonia. I really am glad that you are on the road to recovery. I am not sure you are quite better. Just know that I love you. This was a very courageous thing to write about. Your concerns were dismissed about your own healthcare but being an advocate you know how we fight to be heard even in dire emergencies. Sending you so much love right now.