Wow that time again? Another blog and I am enjoying the chance to reflect and share. Thank you AGLM. I felt fabulous when I received feedback and comments when my blog reached publication. Such a sense of belonging...tick that box! My other to do list, well... I have listened to the rest of the Brené Brown course, but not fully participated. I got stuck with the comfort verses numbing, and numbed with the winter Olympics and Oreos! But I have 'leant in' to some discomfort, so not all avoidance and dulling the pain...yep Valentine's Day came round again.
What is it about the florists celebration of 14th of February that makes me feel completely rejected because my 'love interest' didn't buy into the hype? I should know better, years ago I got into some serious complications when my best friend recognised her boyfriend's handwriting on a lewd offering. Those were the days when we would share our card selection at school as a kind of popularity contest (that was my best year…2!). I guess that is still how I feel...I want the roses delivered to my work place with an acapulco band declaring my beau's love, so that everyone can see how wonderful I am! Yep, I confess, I need the public displays of affection, 'leaning into' why? I get a reality check, and know how a gentle word can make us feel we are truly loved, greater than display, if we listen. When I previously declared my status to my potential lover, and he said "ok, well, now I know. It doesn’t change how I feel about you." Wasn't that sweet music enough? That's certainly when I fell completely in love with him, such acceptance. Shouldn't I be able to accept that? With a man like that I don't need roses. But I did, so much so the next year I messed with his head and played a dangerous game of 'thanks for the flowers' when he still hadn't sent any. He was working overseas. I didn't get any from anyone, and I was lonely and the 'rejection' turned me into a lying bitch, and I got burned! Don't play games girls, it never works out.
So this year, new 'relationship' being totally honest with everything, declared status in a clumsy text, learned some more lessons there, and wore my heart on my sleeve. Cupid's day came... Nothing. Nada. Then a text encouraging me to race home in case...and then my neighbour knocked. Yes this is it... oh eBay package for my daughter. Thanks! Where's the Oreos?
Nevermind, I return to choir sessions...Season 2, Lean on Me, Like a Bridge Over Troubled Water, and Love Lifts me Higher, Higher and Higher! Walking through the park the next morning, and still singing in my heart, 'Your love's lifting me higher.' Who needs Hallmark and red roses when you have a melody and crocuses?
