Kat's intro

My name is Kat and I was diagnosed in March of 2010. For me, what should have been
a joyous time, turned out to be the most horrific yet most humbling time of my life. I was pregnant with my twin girls, and should have been so excited, but troubles at home were taking its toll and I miscarried. When I found out I was HIV positive, I was shocked. It took me months to tell my family, and I still haven't talked to my ex husband about it. I feel into such a deep depression because all I could think about was how I let my kids down, and now I won't be there for them. I felt like a failure, and then when I finally got the courage to tell my family, i felt even worse. To see my dad and my brother cry and knowing that it was because of me, was the worst feeling I ever had. Since then, I am currently on Atripla, which is a once a day pill, and haven't had any of the weird side effects that they said I could-KNOCK ON WOOD, even though I kind of wanted to dream in color and see what that was like lol. I am still very weak but hopefully one day can be strong and become an advocate and a physical mentor for others like me, but for now I can be a cyber mentor and a voice and friend from behind the screen.

Kat's bio: My chosen name is Kat and I am from Maryland. I am 30 years old and the mother of 2 adorable boys 5 and 8, and I am HIV Positive. Wow, that’s the first time I actually said it since I was diagnosed in March of 2010. I went to a regular prenatal visit, my then husband and I were expecting our 3rd child, and learned that I was having twins. I was so excited and they asked about HIV screening, that of course I said yes- I mean who says no? A week later, I was having a miscarriage and lost one baby, and the doctor wanted to see me. He told me he didn’t want me upset but we had to talk. I thought he meant counseling about the baby, and I was focused on not losing the other one so I blacked him out. About a month later, after I lost the other baby, someone from the health department called me at work wanting to talk. I thought the doctor was trying to force me into counseling, so I gave them the run around, until they finally came to my job to meet with me. That’s when they told me. I was shocked, COMPLTELY, and the first thing I thought was, I am going to leave my kids without a mother. The second thought was – that SOB cheated on me. I never really thought about my well being, just threw all of me into the kids. I have since gotten a divorce with full custody, and have only disclosed my status with my immediate family, not even with my ex husband. ( i gave his information to the health department for them to handle contacting him).

Why Kat wants to be a part of A Girl Like Me: I know I should go to counseling, but my fear of people seeing or knowing is getting the best of me. Hopefully one day soon, I can be strong enough to deal with it the right way. But for now, I think this blog will help a lot. I know now that there are girls like me, not so much as ashamed, but afraid. Afraid of ostracism and ridicule and pure ignorance. I am hoping to not only help someone find a voice, but put one in mine, so that I can be heard.