August 29th marked 102 days... and while I am very late providing an update, I wasn't quite ready...
On day 45 I had updated you all on my life since June 1, the day I arrived to New Jersey... but Day 1 was truly 5/18/23, the day my aunt was hospitalized where she would undergo a stem cell transplant, the last course of treatment to heal her from Leukemia.
It is with pain in my heart, confusion in my mind, and tears in my eyes that I share my Aunt has gone home with the Lord. August 29th, day 102 of being hospital-bound, she took her last breath. Death is inevitable, and no matter how much you prepare or anticipate it, it's not easy. I find peace in knowing that she knew she wasn't alone, that she was loved and that we so desperately, as she did, wished she had made it to Florida to begin a new chapter of life.
Grief presents itself in many different forms, and I've barely begun to feel them, as my mother and I are still in NJ, now having to situate all of her things left here. The homegoing service, we did that alone. No help from family... This whole process has shown me that no matter how you do for people, you can't expect you from them... a harsh reality when life and death are involved...
Harsh reality #2: expectations lead to disappointment. The people I expected to show up did not. It was my chosen family who stepped in as best as they could, from hundreds and thousands of miles away. Long hospital days, hours spent at the laundromat, hundreds of dollars spent on eating out because who wants to cook after being at a hospital 12+ hours. Physically, mentally and emotionally drained don't even begin to scratch the surface... and yet through this pain, this agonizing hurt, we would do it all again... So that when those she expected to show up didn't, she knew we were there and that she was loved and just how much we wish the outcome was different......
Remember this...
People matter, things don't.
When your time comes to an end, you won't be remembered for the things you collected, but the people you impacted, loved and cherished.
Until we meet again Titi. Madrina, te quiero mucho... Bendición
