It shakes me to the core when I think about death. I never used to be afraid before. I question myself what am I really afraid of. I'm not sure what I am afraid of. Is it death or is it the suffering in the eyes of the people I have watched in...
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Today would have been the 44th birthday of my big sister, Ellen…and is also nearing the 12th anniversary of her passing from AIDS-related causes. Ellen is the reason I am so passionate about HIV/AIDS education and have worked in this field for the...
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Every day I worry about people finding out that I am HIV+. People can say, "If they are truly your friends it won’t matter". It matters to me. I don’t want people treating me differently. I don’t want to be left out of sports. I don’t want to be the...
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I’m still single and dating has become a nightmare overnight. I used to be comfortable disclosing to my “potentials”, but not anymore. I find myself swinging between “should I?” and “should I not?”. If I don’t, I feel like a liar, and if I do, I risk...
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We had yet another birthday party in the office. Once again, I was assigned plates, napkins and forks. I really do believe that my coworkers are afraid of the fact that I have HIV and do not want to eat any food I bring in. In fact, I have tried to...
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A month into my marriage I discovered that I was 10 weeks pregnant and HIV positive. My husband of one month tested negative. I was shattered. Why me? I have always been a good girl. The doctor tried to explain this medical mystery but it did not...
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In a perfect world it wouldn’t matter if I was HIV+. As you all know, this isn’t a perfect world. I came to realize this better the weeks following my diagnosis. I told my family. They are my family for Goodness sake! They are going to support me...
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I’m the person who thought I would kick the bucket from addiction in that crack house, where I lived and died on a daily basis, seven years ago. I’m the person who had a good job but couldn’t get to it because I was stuck in that crack house, where I...
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My name is Jae, I am 39 years old and have been HIV+ for 18 years. I am a wife, mother to 3 boys, an employee, and full-time student. I live in Southern California, USA. I work in the medical field, the city I work in I come in contact with men that are HIV+. I just don’t have anything in common with them. First of all they are men. Second, most of them are gay. I am neither. I have a family and have been married for 21 years. My husband is in law enforcement and I was a stay at home mother for many years. He is a bit of a private person and has suppressed my participation in activism. So reluctantly I have agreed to forgo being a face to the masses to sitting back and Blogging about my own experiences.
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As I sit here today, I am reminded of how precious life truly is for each of us. A recent tragedy in the family resulted in the all-too-soon death of a child from an automobile accident and the horrors of the earthquake in Haiti have made me realize...
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I don’t know how other girls like me react to stigma and injustices we suffer because of our statuses. I usually beat myself up. Sometimes, depending on the source of the stigma, I’d loathe myself. But a recent incident opened my eyes to a whole new dimension of reaction. If I am responsible and suffer the consequences of my own actions, why then don’t I let other people do the same? The stigma might be directed to me, buts it’s not about me. It’s about the other person’s ignorance and misinformation, so then why must I punish myself because they are ignorant? It does not make sense at all.
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Who am I? My family know me as the Diva, the strongest HIV+ woman they've ever seen. What they don't know is what happens when I switch off the lights and close the door, I suddenly am not so strong anymore. I crumble, I… the real me comes out and...
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You know, I love the holidays, I really do. But a part of me dreads them as well. I love spending time with my family, both immediate and extended. But a part of me can’t help but feel so alone when I’m sitting amidst the family gathering. I can’t...
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The 2009 WRI meeting aimed to identify and then prioritize research questions in order to determine the area of focus that would most significantly impact our understanding of HIV disease in women.
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Tonight at the grocery store my 7-year old stated definitively that this was the last day of November as she stared at the billboard size calendar in our local Whole Foods. I jumped on this open door for a teaching moment and asked her if she knew...