A lot has happened since the year started. I got new friends or should I say sisters. When my fiance proposed they were the 1st people I told, coz I knew they would celebrate with me. Even if we are miles apart it sometimes feel like we live together. What's gonna make my wedding special is the fact that they will be there, they r even making sure I don't wear a hideous dress by offering to go with me for fittings. It means a lot to me to have their support. I've been struggling to put on weight and have a healthy BMI, but with their help I gained 5kg and my BMI is 20. What I love most about...
tatty2gud's blog
They say what does not kill you only makes you stronger. I thought about this phrase and realized that well since HIV has not killed me…I should start looking for strengths it has created within me. At first, I struggled a bit but once I got started, the list kept growing. I struggled because deep down I’m still bitter for having the virus, not just bitter, angry too. I know a lot of promiscuous people and somehow they have managed to stay HIV free, somehow they seem to have it all… but do they? Really? Going back to my list… I have always known about God but never really knew him. The only...
There is a new drug in town… this drug threatens the survival and safety of HIV+ women. I say women because the dealers and addicts will never pick on a man. The drug is woonga and its main ingredient that gives it a kick is effavirenz (HIV medication). Dealers and addicts will stop at nothing to get their hands on the pill… even infect themselves or their loved ones with HIV. Sick right? Not just sick but dangerous, I am a witness to that. My own brother is an addict and before I found out, I would run short of medication and blame the clinic until one day I caught him cleaning out my last...
No peace! (As one of my sisters from 'A girl like me' would say…) whose responsibility is it to stop this virus from spreading? In recent years I have found that the burden lies solely with HIV+ people, women too be specific…. NO PEACE! People should take responsibility for their safety. Recently I had an unpleasant experience with someone of the opposite sex. I usually never disclose unless I see the relationship going further than a fling… in this case, it was a fling, so no need to disclose. Until Mr. Man tried to force me to have unprotected sex with him… even after freaking out he didn;t...
I like this space, for 1 reason. I don't have to be strong when I write here, I don't have to hide any shame or fear, I can bring down the walls I cave myself in, even if its just for a while. Right now I don't feel so strong, I'm scared... Terrified more than the day I found out I have the virus, more than the day I buried my friend thinking I was next. But fear can either cripple me or make me brave... Sometimes I feel both. But right now I feel brave. Why am I terrified? Well God has a weird sense of humour, my daughter(11yrs old) has been researching about HIV; why? I don't know. But it...
After enduring so much stigma from people who claim to love and want what's best for me... I unconsciously began to stigmatise myself. Which I see now is the worst form of stigma. I forgot who and what I am. I conformed to who and what they made me out to be. That's the problem... I conformed. My mom and sister love me but will not have me shame the family by being open about my status... So, I conformed. My pastor and his wife didn't want me to shame their church and their God by being open about my status... So, I conformed. My fiance/ex wanted me to stay in an abusive relationship coz no 1...
Should I settle for less coz I have a deadly virus which has unsuccessfully tried to kill me for the past 9yrs, made me a stronger and better woman, taught me to take better care of myself and loved ones? Should I really settle for a mediocre relationship coz I'm afraid of rejection? Do I not deserve the fairy tale wedding with prince charming and all...? My loss of self worth has nothing to do with the virus, but everything to do with how I react to the virus. My fear of rejection has little to do with the virus. Its up to me to stop giving this virus more credit that its worth. I'm a Diva...
Dear Diva If you have a partner who takes care of you when you get ill, even if it's just by bringing you breakfast in bed, calling during his busy day to check how you are doing, getting you out of bed to get fresh air, running a bubble bath for you...anything he can do to make sure you are up on your feet in no time, then you know how good it feels to have someone take care of you because they love you, not because they have to. When I'm not well i need a few things to make me comfortable. things no doctor can give me. I need to be read to. As many books as it takes, just read to me, that's...
You can iron the frown off your face, the heading is just as I intended it to be. My Fiancé gave me the same look when I asked him. Thank God for making him such a bad liar because I got my answer, not what I wanted to hear, but at least it was the truth. These pills make me look fat. I’m talking about my ARV treatment. I’m taking a combination of Stocrin and Truvada. The Truvada hasn’t caused me any issues, as for my friend, the Stocrin…. Well, it’s a love-hate relationship. If its not the mood swing, it’s the eating disorders. If not that, then it’s the sleeping disorders. But my biggest...
It was supposed to be another date, with another guy, no strings attached (coz it hurts so much), but no, God had his own plans for this date. I went into auto pilot when it was my turn to talk about myself… “I’m a single mom, with a demanding, male dominated job, and yeah, I have HIV”… and then I waited for the response… to my supprise I did not expect what I heard. I was numbed from head to toe, tongue included. I was never on the receiving end of 1 st date disclosure before… it was my turn to give the first words… and there I was, speechless. Needless to say, it was the best evening of my...