Update on my absence…

Well, I’m still married (I thought you needed to know that after my last blog).  Honestly, things are going better.  While not great, definitely much better.  It’s difficult to explain, but when I ‘think’ with my head, I think maybe I should leave.  Yet when I ‘think’ with my heart, I think I need to stay.  After much prayer and thought, I’ve decided to stay with my husband.

He has been willing to put forth an effort, which is really all I wanted.  For example, my husband has some addiction problems (alcohol, cigarettes), which consumes a lot of money.  This seems to be the majority of our arguments.  He has tried to cut back and we have started a weekly allowance.  This way, we both get the same amount of money each week to spend; whether that is beer for him or a new shirt for me.  So far, this has been extremely helpful.  He has also been trying to spend more time with our son and myself as a family.  I love this!  I used to get angry when it seemed he was more interested in spending time with his friends, than his family.  But, again, he is putting forth an effort to spend more time with us and it is very much appreciated.

Over the last few months, I have also begun a new position at work.  I often joke that I do the same thing, but get paid better.  But truthfully, I’m responsible for more as well.  I’m also participating in a lot of meetings and trainings which require more time.

I have also begun the process for weight loss surgery.  This has required MANY doctors’ appointments.  I think I have been tested for everything you can imagine!  I continue this process for the next six months before my insurance will determine if I qualify.  It seems very time consuming and at times frustrating.  But I’m excited to finally lose weight.  While I’ve been heavy my entire life, I am at my heaviest now.  I am unhappy with myself, which I think has reflected on my personal life as well.  I feel like I need to lose weight to set a better example for my son, to play more with my son and also because I have HIV.  I feel that I have enough HIV related issues to be concerned about and now that my weight is beginning to cause additional health problems, it is time for me to take control.  So follow along with my blog as I enter a new phase of my life…I’m gonna burn the fat bridge!