On a trip to the local Health Department with my daughter today, I decided to attempt to volunteer (to help educate), AGAIN! I don't know what, or where....but it makes sense to me....to make myself useful! and I keep trying!
But it was divulged to me, ahhh, some truth! that because of THE UNION! they will not use a volunteer to do a bit of something that a UNION MEMBER could do! Now, is the UNION MEMBER going to volunteer? Probably not. As a resident of a "union town", I have seen a lot of union corruption...and although they served a good purpose at one time, to me, they have out lived their practicality. I can't volunteer my expertise as an HIV Positive person, because I am taking money out of someone else's pocket....whether the budget even would allow for them to do such an educational endeavor, is not an issue....they will contest the fact that I am stealing someone else's "job"....and so, I can not volunteer!
I'll go somewhere else, the college was recommended. But the bureaucracy and good ole boy mentality just isn't going to fly! and I am appalled that it is so difficult to volunteer to help educate....when somewhere else I might be embraced for my desire to be useful!
Wherever you are, whatever your struggles...YOU ARE NOT ALONE! We are surrounded with prejudice of many kinds....and because we are scared and uninformed about our HIV, we are depressed and belittled. Stress is one of the worst things for us, and yet...no matter how you try to eliminate it, it finds its way into and under our nerves!
Take care of yourself, it makes a difference! Live, love, and laugh as much as you can. You can try to remove stress, but I think it might be easier to laugh at it. Who'd of thought volunteering (or even just trying to volunteer!) would be stressful. My heart goes out to all you moms with young kids and no one to confide in. But don't beat yourself up, you have to take care of yourself and live long...so you can look back and wonder~Why were you so scared!? LOVE Linda
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