I am the biggest advocator of following your dreams. Try to tell that to someone who was just diagnosed with a life-altering illness. I remember being 21 years old thinking my life was over. I decided to spend all my time doing for others. I remember approximately 5 years after my diagnosis, thinking, I am living on borrowed time. 10 years pass and I am still doing nothing with my life. I was taking care of my children, but that was it. I wasn't making long-term goals. I figured I wasn't going to be around long-term so why should I plan. Still, after 10 years! I was waiting for death to find me. What was I thinking? I look back at that person and want to shake her.... WAKE UP AND GET IT TOGETHER!!!!
Finally I started taking classes without any sort of direction. I took classes to take them. Along the way I found distractions. Not wanting to call my current career a distraction. It was a comfortable place to land—living on borrowed time and all, right? I am not sure when that voice in my head got quiet. Somewhere along the road I stopped hearing it. Every so often it poked its ugly head out—usually after a doctor’s visit. What if I get through school and I die the next day? What if I could have spent one more moment cuddled with my kids and didn’t take that chance. What if . . . needed to shut the heck up!
I really never thought I would be here. I really never thought I would make it through nursing school, much less be alive. What I would give to go back and do it all again. What I would say to that 21 year old me. . .(sigh)
Instead I will tell all of you… I am sorry you are diagnosed with HIV. I am sorry your family and friends don’t like you anymore. I am sorry that you have been sold a crappy lot in life. I am sorry that you will never find true love. I am sorry that you can’t have children. I am sorry that you weren't able to get a good education. I am sorry. . . Now, listen very carefully. . . You CAN find new friends. You CAN find true love. You CAN have children. You CAN get a good education. YOU CAN DO ANYTHING YOU WANT TO DO!
Next week I am getting my Associates Degree in Nursing. I will be a Registered Nurse (R.N.) How cool is that!!! I never thought I would be here. Heck, I never thought I would see all of my children graduate high school, much less see my own grandchildren—who are gorgeous! I can't wait to see what the future brings!
Thank you all for your love and support,
Jae
Hi Jae CONGRATULATIONS! You Go Girl
Jae, thank you for reminding us all that WE CAN DO ANYTHING we really put our hearts and minds to. I keep telling my daughters that, but somehow we forget to remind each other!! CONGRATULATIONS!
Thank you so much Jae, i just registered myself into a university after 7 years of doing the same, waiting to die, and i found true love at last, i have a loving family and friends i just lost confidence in myself but friends and family were always there for me. im really glad i read your story im so happy. thank you again