Hi I am new in here

Hi all I´m Kat. I was diagnosed in january 1990, age 16. I live in Sweden.  I hardly remember the 90s , it was a really difficult time for me. The chock of testing positive was big. I had no clue. I was so afraid of telling anyone and feeling so lonely and scared. At that time I was the youngest the knew of who had contracted the virus via sex. We really didnt know much about hiv in the late 80s early 90s. The pics we saw were people with aids, but no one really knew how a hiv+ looked like. I know I didnt. Its been really hard at times. I got sick in 95, first I got depressed and nearly killed myself. Later that year i got pnemonia and after that I had a psychosis. I was really ill , I have memory loss for like 2 months. I was really thin and  I have seen pics of me then, my eyes looked dead.  In february 1996 it slowly shifted , I came back to life. The had put AZTin my drinks. I remember they were giving me a glass of coke, when I tasted it, it was really awful. I refused to drink it, they later told it has meds in it. They changed it to capsules. A few months later I got license from Paris to eat 3tc. Now Epivir .  And in May the new meds came. I got Crixivan and all the sideeffects. It was so awful. I felt like I was living in the toilet. I gained 30kilos in two months. That is like 66 pounds. Lucky for me the drugs worked, my t-cells went up and the virus down. I only ate them for like 6months I could not bare with the sideeffects. When I was off meds I got manic  and then later on deeply depressed.This happened 2-3 times , until I finally found meds i Could tolerate in 1999. So since then I have been medicating more than 20 y now. My numbers are good. For a few years I thought I was Bi-polar , but I am not. What happened was that when I was off meds the virus got to my brain and caused manic episodes and they are folllowed by depression. I was relieved when I found out I was not. The hiv diagnosis was enough to handle. So uptil today I have been home since 1996 , with early retirement.  I am now studying to be an assistant nurse. I have been involved with groups here where I live, but sadly I didnt feel support or I couldnt relate to many of them. I have a few friends that also are hiv +.  Since hiv came in to my life so early. I have had to build my life around and with it. And also having the fears of stigma hanging over me I have been scared to share my statuse. But most people in my life knows about my statuse. I dont really know how to live and not include my hiv. I want to be able to accept myself 100% . I know I am more than my diagnosis. It has been my longest companion. For so many years I was so lost and self destructive. But for the past 7-8 years , I think after I turned 40, something inside me happened. I started to take better care of me. If i am not going to die I want to live my best life ever. Do what ever I can to feel my best. I want to encourage others living with hiv to not let that stop you. You do you and take care of yourself ,build your dream life. Dream big . I look forward to connecting with you in here. Thanks for reading so far . Stay safe and take care , Love Kat  32 + years living and thriving